Brokenhearted

How ironic that this blog has reached its 8000th mark, and still I feel ambivalent whether I would be happy or under the blues. I do want to thank my readers and to some internet people who have miraculously stumbled upon my blog. It is a pleasure to be heard and that this blog will continue to serve its purpose to inspire people to achieve great things. Things have come up in my life that I know a lot of us can relate to, such as the feeling of being brokenhearted. You wouldn't know what to expect at the end of the line whether it would be a happily ever after or another vicious cycle of heart aches that only true love can cure. I have never been the type to give up on something, especially when I am inspired with it. Love, like any other complex feelings a man can feel is a beautiful yet painful feeling. Although, when one gives up despite the totality that one gives his entirety to another, it becomes pointless. Like all things great, there is a limit, and it cannot last forever. As boxing can put it, just as a fighter reaches the 30's, retirement is an imminent process that needs to be seriously considered. All these great fighters that we see and be privileged to watch in our time holds the same historic cycle that since the beginning has taught us that human mortality is fact. Even as happily married couples ages off, their love comes to a halt in death. The only thing that goes on in this world is inspiration. It never dies out in existence and it aims to affect people positively into becoming the best they can become, just like the way this blog was intended. Great tales last more than a lifetime. Human mortality might daunt us, but it is in when we cherish life and not take it for granted, that we see, that there is a purpose for all of our struggles. A purpose to make one stronger. No matter how many obstacles one may encounter in his lifetime, one must continue to persevere under God's grace. For it is God who brings about our purpose, and when we miss out on it, then we are taking our lives for granted.

My Father

When I was a kid growing up, I kept asking people of how life is, and how things occur at certain instances. I always asked, and I never ran out of it. The only person to have answered most of my questions was my father. He was a knowledgeable, loving, and responsible parent. He taught me things that I utilize until this very day. He was responsible enough to care for us siblings, as he stopped smoking for the sake of his family. He sacrificed into working abroad just to give us financial support. He may be strict, but I understood his point and learned from it. I cannot deny that I miss my father. Throughout the days, I have been listening to music of the nineties, brings me back into the memories of my childhood. Reminiscing the good old days when I ride at the back of our car, while my father is bringing us home from out of town trips and school. Growing up, I took these opportunities for granted and never have I thought its significance to my life until now. Listening to old songs of the nineties, my heart is filled with mixed emotions of nostalgia and yearning. A memory, of an old car, with my father driving it into the darkness that blinds the pathway mysteriously to its destination, or a sunny day with an epic view of the far meadows and rivers that past us. I would help my father on the look-out when it was dark so we won't bump into anything. He always made it a point to keep us safe and protected us from harm, as we go smoothly through the path of our destination. Playing the music that has already turned old, I view these experiences as memories worth revisiting. There may be times when we are distant to each other, but we remain close to each other in our hearts. The sacrifices that he brings to the table, inspires me to my best in all I can do. Developing my potential to reach the greatness that God has instilled in us. I honor his existence through this post. His worth is equal to the achievements that has made me who I am. I may not be with him everyday, but he will always be in the core of our hearts. A Father helps and guides us to be someday independent, and so we can stand on our own, and face the world without fear.

Picture: A beautiful painting of a meadow and a river as the darkness draws near. A painting by Chris Ramsey. Very artistic indeed.

A Month without Boxing

It was in the month of December, that I was coming home from school, when I received a letter from a gym that I signed up to, months ago. In this letter they have greeted me, a happy birthday, and that, I received, a one day privilege, to use their facilities. It was inspiring on that moment, as in those days of December, I made it a point, to forget about boxing for just that month. Receiving that letter, made me think, that when I am not in boxing, it calls for me. It is like a sign in the heavens, or something, that boxing is definitely what I am supposed to do, in my life. Those days, that I decided to not box for awhile, was a product of my thought, that I was too much into boxing, and that I am not giving myself a break. People would say to me, you are too much boxing, relax yourself. So I definitely gave it a break, especially in the holiday season where my family needs me. I had to focus on other stuff for awhile, but one thing is for sure.. I missed boxing like crazy. Boxing is not a discipline for me, it is a want. People have their differences, and as for me, I love boxing. It is natural in me. I love training and I love punching.. It was hard for me to adjust myself into a non-boxing behavior. Taking away boxing from me, is like taking away my very soul, identity, and life. People, just can't be me, and I can't be them, it's logical, we are all unique. Although, I survived the month without boxing, I had made an exception. For that one day at the gym, I will unleash all the boxing that is stored and left inside of me. Great things have happened, and these are experiences and memories, that I will cherish forever.

Nurse: Saving and Preserving Life

There are moments in life, that just take your mind out, into thinking deeply. Experiencing circumstances, that seem to relate itself into understanding life, and it's processes. Giving you a whole dimension, into thinking and viewing the world, more than what an average person sees. It is in these experiences, that we begin to learn, and gain wisdom. All are processes, of our growing up, which then helps us better ourselves, when such challenges are confronted and faced. Things are learned, in and out of any organization you choose to be in. For an athlete, things are learned in the gym, for a student, things are learned in school, and for a champion, things are learned in life. As a fighter, not only have I experienced the harsh nature of my sport, and succeeded in terms of enduring them, but I have also been exposed in the hospital setting, as a student nurse. Having experienced one of these priceless moments, that one would feel as if something has changed in them. I have always dreamed, of becoming a world champion someday, that I constantly envision myself in such moment, as I continuously train myself, through sweat and all muscle pain, one can't believe possible. For years, I have trained for that thought, but just parts of these wonderful moments as a nurse, I am able to view things more differently, that an athlete never sees.. The value for life, empathy for affected people, and the care for the weak, these aspects are elements that are innate, and I have learned through the constant hospital exposures, I've had in the past. There are these moments, where I would say, I love my work, and that is, in helping those who are in need. I had lot's of experience as a student nurse, but this experience, for me, is worth for the entire world to know, and to learn from. In a graveyard shift in a public hospital that I've had an exposure of, I was prepared with every materials, a positive mindset, and a body, which is willing to work for the eight hour shift, which was asked of us, but never would I knew, that it would one way or another, change my life in the long run. A traumatic event took place, as a turbulent moment in the Intensive Care Unit rushed me into the scene, by the request of my Clinical Instructor. Inexperienced as I was, I was called to operate a hand-held device, called a Bag valve mask, which is used for patients who are inadequately breathing. I stood right beside the distressed patient, which seemed to looked as if surviving, from the disease process, that had created her condition. The patient was dependent, to the ventilation device, that I match my pressure with breathing rhythm. Looking through the monitors, it is seen, that the patient was already having an irregular cardiac rhythm. The patient's husband, was terrified, crying, and eccentric, that he was shouting over everyone in the unit. In moments of his silence, the husband would cry in prayer. In the height of the moment, the husband decided to go against medical advice, which then prompted the entire staff to stop from there, as a signature was signed, indicating HAMA, or home against medical advice, which was made. He was probably looking for a miracle to happen, but in reality, it is understood that their decision would be fatal. As the nurse deflates the stopper of the endotracheal tube, I was asked to remove it, as I was the only person, wearing gloves at the time. Without question, I removed it. There were criticisms that people made towards my actions, for why did I allow myself to remove, a device that the patient was clearly dependent of. It is true, that the actions that has been done, had a direct effect on life and death. But what else can I do, when the family of the patient have asked of us not to do anymore? Although, I wanted to do something, but then I knew, I couldn't do anymore. These kind of trials, made me reflect, and learn a deeper sense in life, which has made me tougher, as a person. As inexperienced as I was in the past, I felt I will not be bullied into these types of situation again, that as long as there is hope, I am willing to use all my strength, stamina, and work up a sweat, just to save someone's life. I will preserve life, as much as I can, and it doesn't matter on what approach will I use, as long as I save lives. A year has passed, and I have just recently experienced another dramatic situation in the hospital setting. On a graveyard shift, I was assigned in the Intensive Care Unit, but in a different hospital. There was a patient who was again in Endotracheal tube which is attached to a mechanical ventilator. He was conscious, responsive, and was seemingly energetic, despite his condition. He was asked not to remove the tube and follow instructions which were given to him. He became defiant, and removed the tube on his own. He was questioned immediately of his actions, and responded that he wanted to spit, but after a few seconds he experienced shock. Everyone was on rush as they prepare the emergency equipments. I wanted to come in and help, but they asked me to stay out, for there were too much people in the room. My opportunity arrived, when they asked for a cardiac board, which I delivered. As I entered the room, The doctor was performing Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. In a frantic moment, perhaps noting my physical advantages, the doctor decides to let me do the chest compressions. I swiftly went over and gave all I could, as I knew how to do such procedure. In my mind, I thought to myself, that I will save this man. I was intense, consistent, and desperate. The patient's face looked pale, looking through the monitor, it was seen that the patient has an irregular heart rate. In a moment where hope is deprived, I made myself to think, that I am the hope, that I will definitely save him. I continued for such lengths, that even if the nurse offered to switch turns with me, I said, "It's okay, I can still go on." I never felt tired, when it comes to saving one's life. I went on, and on, with full determination, until his normal heart rhythm has returned, and his face wasn't pale anymore. I felt fulfilled that I did all I could, into something worth doing. For me, nothing beats the feeling of helping people who are in need, in saving lives, and more importantly, serving my father God. I want to help, as long as I have the strength, I will do all I can, to prevent death as much as I can. I understood well, of my mistakes in the past, and I will not allow myself to be placed in that dark pathway again, for I've learned and found the light. People would ask me, "Isn't there anything greater for you, than being a champion?", I would say, "Greater than a champion, is a hero."